SAFE HAVEN

SAFE HAVEN  *1/2 out of ****

Film adaptations of Nicholas Sparks' novels rarely venture from the formula.  They are almost a sub-genre of their own; the posters all have couples embracing on them, most of them with one person, usually the male, grasping the sides of their partner's head as if about to tear it off and run away.  The plots involve a man and a woman, one is usually running from something in their past and is therefore reluctant to enter into a relationship, but eventually they let their guard down, they usually get caught in the rain, kiss passionately, have intercourse and then deal with the impending peril that has been lurking in that one party's past this whole time.  SAFE HAVEN follows through with this formula like schlockwork, except for a plot twist that comes at the end to rape what was already not such a great movie.  Unfortunately, it would be unethical for me to reveal what this last minute reveal is, but suffice it to say that while it isn't hidden well enough to have prevented me from seeing it much earlier on, it's still a bit of a surprise, if only because any self-respecting moviegoer has a hard time believing that a filmmaker would have the nerve to take such an unjustified right turn into Bullshitsville.
The story involves a young woman, Katie (Julianne Hough, from 2011's FOOTLOOSE), who flees a bloody scene in the prologue and arrives in the small harbor town of Southport, South Carolina, a picture-postcard of a town with beaches, docks, romantic bayous and even a few senior citizens to predict the weather with their aches and offer the occasional "witty" commentary on the romantic tension going on.  Of course, Katie isn't eager to form any close ties to anyone in town, although she's chummy right off the bat with any widower's kids she can get her hands on.  Said widow is Alex (Josh Duhamel, from LIFE AS WE KNOW IT and WHEN IN ROME), an abnormally hunky and charming widower who runs a quaint little shop by the dock, with his overtly chipper and lispy girl Lexie (Mimi Kirkland) and his silently moody boy Josh (Noah Lomax) who acts as a stubborn watchdog over his deceased mother's vacant position.  On the side, Katie has a nosy neighbor, Jo (HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER's Cobie Smulders), and a creepy cop in ruthless pursuit.
Each of the genders has their own lowest common denominator form of entertainment specific to their own, franchises and otherwise similar films that cater successfully to the specific gender with the worst possible quality.  For males, these include anything made by Michael Bay, especially his TRANSFORMERS series, various horror series, nearly anything with which Adam Sandler is involved and the odd special effects-spectacular; for the ladies, it's the TWILIGHT series, most of Katherine Heigel's films, most of Julia Roberts' films, most of Reese Witherspoon's films and anything adapted from the work of Nicholas Sparks.  That's not to say this film is all bad; there is plenty of beautiful cinematography from Terry Stacey, and honestly, it is a movie for the ladies, though hopefully even they don't take it too seriously.  But it's a girls' night out sort of thing.  Sure, the guy must really love you if he takes you to it, but how much do you love him if you're making him sit through it?