What Does That Demon See in Her?

THE LAST EXORCISM PART II
0 out of 4 stars

I never saw THE LAST EXORCISM (2010), but I hear it was alright.  It was a "found-footage" horror film, a style of filmmaking most associated with THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999), although the cult classic CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST (1980) is recognized as the earliest notable use of the format.  I'm not a fan of so-called found footage, but it is telling to note that this half-ass sequel abandons the format, as if it weren't an insultingly obvious cash-grab already, thanks to its idiotic title.
Like I said though, I didn't see the predecessor, but PT II offers plenty of discolored, rapidly-cut flashbacks, not that they offer much relevancy and the barely-existent plot pads itself out heavily enough with exposition that it really isn't an issue.  There is not a single legitimate scare in the whole thing, though I am obligated to make a point, as a snarky critic, of the possible exception being the open ending that threatens a part three.  There is some value in the fact that most of the attempted scares are humorously inept, but I have a bit of a difficult time not taking personally.  I mean, I don't know why a person would dedicate their life to making films if they didn't love cinema, but then, if someone loves cinema, why in the hell would they assault it like this?  There is one especially [presumably] unintentionally funny sequence at the beginning of the film when a man realizes the creature who just climbed into bed beside him is not his significant other, but it's so painfully obvious when the creature in question pulls the sheets clear over its head and he comments on how she so cold.  Another example is when a doctor finds an inpatient he's been frantically trying to track down, and she has blood splattered messily across her front, he meekly asks her where she's been as if not noticing the blood at all.
It's hard to say exactly what the plot is, because it seems to be a careless perpetuation of what was apparently the issue in the first film.  Nell Sweetzer (Ashley Bell) is an unstable and homely young woman trying not to have sex with a demon named Abalam, because, as we all know, that would start a biblical apocalypse, as hobos constantly remind us by standing around with "The End is Near" signs.  This loose concept is basically what drives the whole film as Nell gets caught in all kinds of spooky hijinks as she cleans hotel rooms, romances with a fellow hotel janitor and lives in a home for crazy girls.  Before the film reaches a mostly non-existent conclusion, we almost get to see a demonic chicken, but the filmmakers rescind that offer too, just like they lied about it being the last exorcism because they hate us.
The whole cast is just irritating, from the woefully bland lead to Tarra Riggs as a stereotypical voodoo mama and Spencer Treat Clark as Nell's poopy beau.  There just isn't anything to make this worth watching, certainly not in a theater anyway.  Maybe years from now when you're drunk and channel surfing at 3:00 in the morning and you come across it, it might be okay for kicks, but even then, it'll depend on what mood you're in, because THE LAST EXORCISM PART II sucks worse than its title.
Starring: Ashley Bell, Tarra Riggs
Rated PG-13 for horror violence, terror and brief language.  [Curiously, the film contains quite a bit of sexual material to go unmentioned by the MPAA, but maybe they half-assed it as a commentary on the film.]
YOU MIGHT LIKE THE LAST EXORCISM PART II IF YOU LIKED:
THE HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET (2012)
THE DEVIL INSIDE (2012)
THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (2009)
DARK SKIES (2012)