Batman: Burton and a Duel of the Freaks

BATMAN
Released 23 June 1989
Directed by Tim Burton
Starring: Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Kim Basinger, Michael Gough, Robert Wuhl, Pat Hingle, Billy Dee Williams, Jack Palance, Tracey Walter, William Hootkins, Jerry Hall
Rated PG-13 for unspecified reasons (action violence and some innuendo).
126 minutes

"Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

For people in their formative years at the time of this movie's release, it's one of the infallible classics of summer blockbusting, but mine is the perspective of one not born for a couple more years yet, and it's a movie that's never quite clicked for me.  It's certainly interesting as a landmark of post-New Hollywood blockbuster entertainment, paving the way for the current popularity of superhero movies and further defining the nature of youth-aimed big-budget entertainment previously established by the films of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.  As an individual movie however, it lacks emotional or character depth, and often feels clumsy, as though feeling around in the dark for the type of movie it wants to be without quite knowing what that is yet.

Although it's directed by Tim Burton, a stylistically highly distinctive filmmaker who at 31 was a young talent noted for his fantastical but modestly-budgeted successes with PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE and BEETLEJUICE, BATMAN is unmistakably a studio-manufactured product; still plenty stylish and finely produced, but strangely gentrified.  In contrast to the usual origin story franchise starters of today, the script arrives on a fully formed Batman, after cleverly subverting audience expectations with an opening scene that appears to be leading into Bruce Wayne's well-known childhood tragedy, as a well-to-do man and woman with their son stumble into one of Gotham City's dark alleyways, but instead of the parents being shot, as we know happens to Bruce's, the family survives after being mugged.  We're then introduced to Batman, played by Michael Keaton, who is known to the muggers as an urban legend, but discover that he's all too real when he terrorizes them on the city rooftops.  Bruce Wayne has already adopted his crime-fighting alter ego in full armored costume with bat-themed gadgets (gadgets that sometimes seem a bit impractical when seen from a perspective outside of selling toys), but he's still little more than a rumor in Gotham, where organized crime sneers at the attempts by Mayor Borg (Lee Wallace), Police Commissioner Jim Gordon (Pat Hingle) and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Billy Dee Williams, aka "Lando Calrissian) to clean up the city ahead of the big bicentennial celebration.  Things really go haywire though when Gotham's big crime boss Carl Grissom (Jack Palance) tries to double cross his not altogether stable right-hand man, Jack Napier (Jack Nicholson), sending him into a vat of toxic chemicals that scars his face white, with a permanent red grin, throwing him into outright insanity as he adopts the persona of "Joker", murders Grissom and takes over operations.  The rise of the Joker as not merely a racketeer but a full-blown terrorist poisoning Gotham City residents at random brings Batman out into the light as a force for justice, while as Bruce Wayne, he courts sexy photojournalist Vicki Vale (Kim Basinger), who happens to be in town trying to get the scoop on the Batman himself.
The movie tries to be a lot of things, starting out kind of like a film noir crime story, but quickly becoming much zanier and heavily informed by German Expressionism with matte paintings of fascist architecture and and warped, stark imagery.  Batman's signature pose, arms outstretched with his cape, is reminiscent of a 1931 poster for Tod Browning's DRACULA, while the look of the city is clearly informed by Fritz Lang's METROPOLIS.  Outside of its obviously stylized architecture, the Gotham City environment always has an unmissable sense of artificiality, relying heavily on matte paintings with varying degrees of success and only a few obvious studio sets.  The biggest failure of the film's unique stylings are in the Joker's wardrobe, with the pastel scarves and baggy plaid pants, and especially the outfit in the museum sequence with his floppy, purple toque.  The look of the Joker is aiming for something New Age-y I guess, in accordance with the idea of him as a "homicidal artist", but it's kind of vague without much beneath the surface.

"I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist."

Honestly, I don't care much for this iteration of the Joker.  There's no denying that at least some of that comes from looking at it in comparison to the Heath Ledger take from 19 years later, but I had been initiated to the Nicholson version before that happened (I first saw this movie in 2005, after the release of BATMAN BEGINS, but I'm unsure if it was before or after I'd seen that movie), so it's not like it never had a chance.  It is somewhere in between the goofier, more colorful Cesar Romero Joker of the 1960s TV series and the menacing schizophrenic of THE DARK KNIGHT, so I guess you had to be there, but he was a jump into a dark direction at the time.  He is twisted and menacing in some very apparent but superficial ways, disfiguring his girlfriend's face and presumably killing her (both off-screen), squirting acid from a boutonniere, and poisoning people with "Smilex", which kills people and leaves the body with a Joker-like grin.  On the other hand, he's still very silly and has a penchant sub-par Prince songs (one of the most glaring out of place aspects in a movie that is sometimes a jumble of mismatched elements; however, the Danny Elfman orchestral score is quite good), has his thugs commit heinous crimes like painting a museum bust with bright green hair and a red smile, and in his spare time makes photo collages.  Nicholson is a cool Nicholson at first, prior to his pure comic book origins of falling into a vat of chemical waste (conveniently turning his skin white, lips red and hair green in the visage of a clown, but for the famous grin, there is the added and surprisingly bloody element of a bullet tearing up his face before the fall), but as the Joker, he's fully unleashed, as wild as Jack Torrance but not as scary, and plentifully psychotic but in a purely comic book way.  The choice of not only giving the Joker a clear origin and alter ego as the hood Jack Napier, but also making him the one who killed Bruce's parents was controversial for fans, but what really bugs me is the repeated line, "Ever dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?", explained as "I just like the way it sounds,", an ideal example of the movie's style over substance issues.  I also don't get the Joker's last gag or whatever it was intended to be, in his final moment splattered on the pavement (okay, technically not "splattered", but an unexpectedly morbid image with his head cracked open on the street) when the sound of a laugh is coming from the body like a broken record, and Commissioner Gordon pulls a satin drawstring bag from the Joker's coat pocket, presumably containing a tape recorder inside.  You never actually see what's inside the bag, and in another movie, I might expect it to suddenly explode, as the Joker's last dirty trick, but it turns out to be an utter one-off.

"Never rub another man's rhubarb!"

The Joker's goons are even wackier if not as colorful (they all seem to be wearing police jackets, berets and sunglasses), led by "Bob the Goon", played by Tracey Walter, a character with minimal lines and an awesome name who follows the Joker around everywhere.  It sounds funny, but he's just bland.  There are other henchman who, in the alleyway fight and the Cathedral-based climax, inexplicably swing swords and other unconventional weapons around while yelling and flipping towards Batman, then are dispatched with the utmost simplicity in practically slapstick fashion.  For all the complaints about Christopher Nolan that would come, Burton is truly terrible at directing action, and he's never gotten better at it for as many action scenes he's had the opportunity to improve from over the years (SLEEPY HOLLOW is probably the best he's got in that respect, but there, he's mostly getting by on the stylistic horror aspect).  However, BATMAN is probably his worst at action.
Although the decision was made to give Batman's costume a more armored appearance than the traditional tights to make him appear imposing, he never comes across as much of a martial artist or any sort of effective brawler in this version.  In fact, although he probably should have picked something up after so many nightly escapades, there's no background in BATMAN that suggest that he has any particular learned fighting skills, so there is an interesting idea that this is just a rich guy who's out there ineptly fighting crime as a mostly ordinary person.  In total contrast to the Nolan Batman, who makes a point that he's not "your average brawler", this version can be pretty adequately described as much, except for the fact that he usually has some sort of gadget on hand when needed.  In one scene, he's even unceremoniously shot down and lays on the ground as if dead momentarily before getting back to business, protected by his body armor.  One of the most influential aspects of this movie is definitely the approach to comic book costumes onscreen, which had been rendered faithfully in the Superman films, but Batman goes for a more stylish than practical, but still a little bit of both, look made of plastic and rubber.  By the 2000s, the rubber would give way to leather for a while, but BATMAN really started that sturdier, less circus performer look of superhero costumes.

As Batman, Michael Keaton was a famously controversial choice (but really, who isn't when it comes to casting Batman?) because of the more his more prominent comedic roles like BEETLEJUICE and MR. MOM, while fans of the comics were concerned that the movie would lean toward the campy approach of the TV series.  Keaton is fine, but there's not actually much to go on in this movie in particular, because the character gets very little substance while also not being as flamboyant as some of those he shares the screen with.  In an exchange between Bruce Wayne (as Bruce Wayne, as opposed to Batman) and the Joker, there is one particularly interesting moment where Bruce suddenly explodes violently, "You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!"  In every Batman movie, Bruce is almost always subdued, unleashing it all when he's under the cowl, so for a movie that doesn't bother much with the psychology of the character, this is a unique moment.  In fact, as Bruce Wayne at this point, he's crazier than he ever gets as Batman.

The supporting cast is plenty diverse, and includes screen veteran Jack Palance as mob boss Carl Grissom, who does some pretty odd, over-the-top stuff, and Billy Dee Williams, who hoped to reprise the role of Harvey Dent in a sequel when he becomes the villainous Two-Face (he would be replaced by Tommy Lee Jones when the villain showed up in BATMAN FOREVER).  William Hootkins, another Star Wars alum, best known as the heavyset and ill-fated X-Wing pilot "Porkins", is my personal highlight of the movie as the corrupt, classically hard-boiled cop Lt. Eckhart, whose voice is awesomely gravelly and is just a cynical asshole.  Love that guy.  Pat Hingle as Commissioner Gordon is more prominent in this film than in any of the other three time he would reprise the role, but even here, he doesn't make much of an impact, and Michael Gough as Alfred is, well, Michael Gough.  His character gets a lot worse in later films, as he and Hingle are the only cast members to reprise their roles throughout the original film franchise.  There's also the impossibly smug Robert Wuhl, a recurring presence in movies of the late '80s and early '90s, as Vicki Vale's obnoxious working partner Alexander Knox, who calls Batman co-creator Bob Kane (looking way younger than 74 in a brief cameo as a newspaper cartoonist) a "dick", calling into question this production's sincerity.

"Hey bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say 'I made you', you gotta say 'you made me.' I mean, how childish can you get?"

What's funny is that for all the concerns that this movie would resurrect the overtly kid-friendly, highly campy style of the Adam West-starring series, and the subsequent relief that it eschewed that approach, BATMAN is plenty campy looking at it today.  Again, the worst of that are those dreadful Prince songs, but also those goofy action scenes and the Joker's acrobatic ninja henchman, to name a few things.  It's undeniably a product of its time, but also a slightly jumbled up studio product where not everything ties together as neatly as it ought to, conclusions are jumped to, and freaking Alfred sneaks a girl Bruce just started dating into the Batcave.  It's a movie that's more an artifact of interest and pop culture evolution than a successful film in itself.

TOP 3 OF BATMAN

1. Lt. Eckhart- "These guys are drinkin' Draino."  It's a small role, but the most "noirish" character of the noir-styled first section of the movie is awesome and appropriately over the top, even as Hootkins (what a name) delivers his lines so monotonously in his gravelly, drawling voice.
2.  Batman's Museum Entrance- I especially like the sound design of this scene, as it becomes chaotic with the Joker's "I'm melting!" routine and suddenly he uncovers his face to say, "Boo!" and laughs as it quiets down for just an instant.  Then, 'crash!', Batman comes flying in through the skylight.
3.  "You wanna gets nuts? Come on, let's get nuts!"- For whatever reason, none of the other Batmans cross over into Bruce Wayne, and while Bruce isn't much of a character in this movie, at this moment he becomes genuinely interesting and more emotionally violent than he ever does even in the cowl.  There's also a little bit of Keaton's Betelgeuse leaking through when he starts shouting, which is kind of fun.

BOTTOM 3 OF BATMAN

1. Prince Songs- The '80s and through the '90s were very good to the recording industry in providing co-marketing opportunities with pop music numbers, usually power ballads, but in the case of Batman, they were funk songs performed by Prince, shoehorned into the movie in cringeworthy fashion.  I'm not positive which ones are featured in the movie by title, but I'm pretty sure the better of the two (in terms of fitting in the movie) is "Partyman" when the Joker is throwing out money during Gotham's bicentennial parade.  It's not a great song, but the parade context is alright.  Then the other I think is "Scandalous", played on a ghetto blaster carried around by one of the Joker's henchman while they vandalize a museum.  It's an awkward and blatant case of a studio marketing mandate.
2. Action- There's a moment in the climactic pursuit in the cathedral when one of the Joker's henchman jumps at Batman from behind and just falls through the floorboards.  It's silly and probably meant to be taken as a gag, but that's basically how all the action plays out.  A guy comes at Batman, yelling and swinging weapons, and something ridiculously simple takes the guy out.  It feels like it was choreographed by an 8-year-old.
3. Robert Wuhl as 'Alexander Knox'- "You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say he-"  "I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that."  My sentiments exactly.

BATMAN RETURNS
Released 19 June 1992
Directed by Tim Burton
Starring: Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny DeVito, Christopher Walken, Michael Gough, Michael Murphy, Cristi Conway, Andrew Bryniarski, Vincent Schiavelli, Jan Hooks
Rated PG-13 for brooding, dark violence.
126 minutes

"I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two."

BATMAN RETURNS only managed a little more than half of its predecessor's enormous financial success, while also possessed of a dominant directorial vision, it's had the misfortune to be criminally underrated in the pantheon of Batman on film, and even in terms of superhero films in general.  The common argument is that "it's a Tim Burton movie, not a Batman movie", is a totally subjective argument which really adds up to nothing when you really think about.  It's undeniably a Tim Burton movie through and through, but there's no way to argue that it's less a Batman movie than any movie, good or bad, which fails to adapt source material to the utmost faithfulness.  So BATMAN RETURNS is a movie where Batman wantonly kills the bad guys (but we'll get to a little more of that in BATMAN BEGINS), and it's more about the villains than the hero (but isn't that the case with an awful lot of superhero movies, especially Batman ones?), but it's also the best Batman movie to come along until the Dark Knight trilogy.

Even though, like every other Batman movie before BATMAN V SUPERMAN, it was released in the heat of the summer season, BATMAN RETURNS is set at Christmastime in Gotham City, where the holiday trappings and events are prominently on display (continuing a trend of Christmas theming in Burton's filmography at the time, following up EDWARD SCISSORHANDS and preceding the Burton-produced THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, for which he handed off directing duties to Henry Selick so he could direct this film).  In the fairy tale-esque prologue, Burton has reunited Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens (very soon following Reubens' well publicized arrest for public masturbation) and his PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE (Burton's feature directorial debut) co-star Diane Salinger as the wealthy upper-class Cobblepots, who toss their deformed and not otherwise agreeable infant son Oswald into the sewers, afloat in a basket.  33 Christmases later (is there a Christian significance to that number?), Gotham is abuzz with rumored sightings of a "penguin-man of the sewers".

"My name is not Oswald! It's Penguin! I am not a human being! I am an animal! Cold-blooded!"

Covered in Burtonesque makeup (designed by Crash McCreery and Shane Mahan of the Stan Winston Studios), Danny DeVito is Oswald Cobblepot, aka "Penguin", a comically grotesque outcast raised by the penguins living in the "Arctic World" of an abandoned zoo.  Definitely one of the wackier major Batman villains, and one that caters to Burton's interests, the Penguin is a variation on the Batman character as he exists in the film.  Born into Gotham's aristocracy, heir to a fortune and social standing, he didn't lose his parents to a crime, but instead was cast off by them.  Although born twisted, he's similarly mounted a crusade as a response to that loss.  As he growls to the Caped Crusader, "You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!"  Although Batman gets a significantly more important part in this film (as opposed to the first film, in which he was essentially a poorly define plot element), a more likely candidate for 'main character' is the Penguin.  DeVito usually plays any variation of a hapless and/or sleazy schmuck, to the extent that his character was literally "genetic garbage" in 1988's TWINS, and while the Penguin is obviously a grotesque gargoyle, he's no loser in the same sense as his usual roles.  Stout and shaped like a lumpy pear, highlighted in some scenes by the filthy onesie he wears most of the time, his skin is pale and dark around the eyes in typical Burton fashion, his fingers are fused together to resemble flippers, his hair is long and greasy, and for whatever reason, his spit and blood is blackish green.  Furthermore, he's a horny pervert.  I love this guy.

A typical pitfall of superhero sequels is over-stuffing the story with villains, such as the prime examples of SPIDER-MAN 3 and THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2, BATMAN RETURNS does pretty well between three villains.  Max Shreck, an original creation for the movie and named for silent film actor Max Schreck who famously played the title character in NOSFERATU, is the least sympathetic villain in Burton's eyes, marked by the dint of not being a freak.  Played by Christopher Walken as only Walken can, Shreck is the greedy, unscrupulous business titan of Gotham rivaling Bruce Wayne, and while he presses the mayor to approve his plans for a new power plant, it's secretly a ruse for storing up the city's energy and creating an artificial shortage.  An all-around rotten dude, Shreck has flooded the city sewers with toxic sludge reminiscent of pea green soup, and has even gone so far as to murder business partners who have outlived their usefulness to him, a fact which the Penguin uses to blackmail him into setting out the proper welcome when he decides to finally emerge from the shadows.  In return, with the current mayor refusing to approve his sham power plant proposal, Shreck convinces the Penguin to run for office while unleashing his circus goons on the city to make his incumbent rival look incompetent.

"My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold! It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all God's children! 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th born! Why be biased? Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal with their erogenous zones blown sky high!"

Thirdly, and less a direct villain than an anti-hero with a bad streak, is Selina Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer), Shreck's meek, bumbling secretary who has the misfortune to discover his plans for creating an energy shortage, at which point Shreck shamelessly pushes her out a window on a multi-story floor.  I don't know a lot about Catwoman in the comics, and I only saw about half of the Halle Berry movie, and it's not quite clear what happens with Selina after falling through numerous awnings before landing in an alleyway that ushers in her transformation to Catwoman.  She lies there twitching while feral cats swarm around her, chewing on her fingertips, and although she should be dead, she stands up in a daze and returns to her apartment.  I really don't care for the scene in which she tears up her apartment and makes her famous Catsuit.  It's feels like grasping for straws for images of madness without any substance, Selina licking her lips while forcing her plush animals down the disposal, randomly making a glove with out rhyme or reason beyond shallow insanity.  Another scene in which she destroys a Shreck department store has a similar vibe.  Then there's Catwoman, herself.  Maybe it's just me, but I don't find Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman that attractive, in or out of costume.  I get on the objective level that Ms. Pfeiffer is an attractive woman, but in this movie and most others (she's better in THE FABULOUS BAKER BOYS), she doesn't do much for me.  That's fine, sure, but this version of Catwoman seems to be endlessly lauded as an incredibly sex symbol, and while I like her fine as a character, it all feels more uncomfortable than sexy.  Annette Bening was originally cast and had to drop out when she became pregnant, and while I usually like her, it's clear that she wouldn't have had the same steely edge that Pfeiffer serves the role so well with.  But yeah, when she licks herself, or lick Batman, you know, licks stuff, and starts throwing around innuendos in her best sultry voice, it's more cringe-worthy than sexy.  It's okay, I realize that I'm in the minority on this.

"I am Catwoman, hear me roar."

Although the action is still far from great, it's a marked improvement on the first film and benefits from the spectacle and sight gags interwoven throughout.  Even without the Joker, BATMAN RETURNS packs a lot of dark and gross humor throughout, arguably undercutting the drama at times, or perhaps layering it.  DeVito's Penguin is hilariously icky, munching on raw fish, making innuendos, finally agreeing to run for mayor at the promise of "unlimited poontang", and lecherously groping at a young campaign supporter's breast under the pretense of fastening a campaign button.  There's quite a bit of sexual innuendo in this movie, but what in particular gave parents pause and later resulted in Warner Brothers' rebranding of the franchise on the next movie, was it's violence and darkness.  One such oft-cited scene shows the Penguin biting into a man's nose for making a wisecrack about his looks, bright red blood visibly squirting out, or there's the moment with Shreck's electrocuted corpse, charred crispy with gaping mouth and popped-out eyes, but these scenes are mostly layered with a macabre sense of humor, as opposed to similar scenes in the first film when the Joker monologues with a sizzling corpse or takes a bullet to the face before falling into the vat of chemical waste.  On the other hand, the action is admittedly more frequent and often more personal, but it also has a fairy tale feeling to it, too.

"Bruce Wayne? Why are you dressed up like Batman?"

Batman is definitely a darker character though, wantonly murdering bad guys and even blowing up a bunch of cute, fuzzy penguins in the movie's climax.  In his first appearance in the movie, he sets a guy on fire with the Batmobile's exhaust!  His code of ethics, if he has one, is not at all clear.  And yet, as Bruce Wayne, he's a much more likable presence than in the first film, getting to have some fun interplay with Selina; Michelle Pfeiffer doing her weird, weird thing. 

The look of Gotham is changed significantly, relying less often matte paintings and maintaining some of the fascist look of the first film but blending it with New Age and storybook elements.  Then there's Shreck's office building, a skyscraper topped by a bizarre, very Burtonesque, rotating cat head fixture.  Still, the city feels just as constrained on the sound stage sets, with exterior shots mostly limited to the same town square, a few alleyways and the abandoned zoo.  It's all covered with a holiday overlay; lights, trees, baubles; contrasting colorfully with the gray architecture.  The Christmas motif is used to wonderful effect throughout, although not necessarily figuring directly into the plot, such as the Penguin's demented stocking scene as he pulls out evidence against Shreck from a great big, grody-looking Christmas stocking including toxic sludge, shredded business documents and a dismembered hand, or on a sweeter note, the "Good will to men...and women" coda at the end of the film.  Oh, and the "Ice Princess"!  I love the Ice Princess!  Played by Cristi Conway (while not knowing her in real life, for the character, she has the perfect name), the Ice Princess is the terrifically ditzy showgirl whose job it is to light up the big Christmas tree at Gotham's tree-lighting ceremony.  "The tree lights up, and then I push the button. No-no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I press the button and then the tree lights up!", she coaches herself in her dressing room.  "A talent scout!  I don't just light trees, you know. I'm also an actress."  It's kind of broad, but it really cracks me up.  And in a movie of pretty spectacular deaths (Shreck's taser kiss, the Penguin's awkward face-plant), hers is pretty great, kidnapped by the Penguin and Catwoman, then startled at the top of a tall building so she falls, crushing the tree lighting button, lighting up the tree which then spews a hoard of bats! 

"Rat with wings...do your thing!"

It's a Burton movie first, but that's a big part of how it improves so much on the disjointed hodgepodge of the first film.  Rather than dealing with issues of vigilantism, crime and vengeance, it's a simple story about outsiders, Burton's beloved "freaks", and their doomed quests for belonging.  It's more a Burton movie than a "Batman movie" (loosely defined as that is), and that's why it's more a movie than a manufactured studio product.

Top 3 of BATMAN RETURNS

1. Danny DeVito is the Penguin- Growling with blackish green spittle and clad in a filthy onesie, hanging out with penguins in Arctic World, hopelessly, ironically libidinous, and just an all around nasty little jerk; what's not to love?  And his death scene?  Fantastic.  Caught in the explosion of missiles mounted on his little penguin friends meant to destroy Gotham, he rises out of the steaming water Captain Willard-style, picks up one of his umbrellas (most of which are weaponized), but it's not the one he wanted.  "Shit! I picked a cute one."  It's a great moment too, with the musical swelling, zoom in on Batman turning around, and the umbrella opens with a squeak and a mobile of little animals.  Deciding he needs a drink first, he turns to the water and falls flat on his face.  Oh yeah, and he drives an all-terrain duckmobile.
2. Masquerade Ball- A nice, quasi-romantic scene at Shreck's glitzy Christmas Eve party, there's some great dialogue between Bruce and Selina, and at the masquerade ball, they're the two not in costumes.
3. Ice Princess- "I think she let me go because I reasoned with her girl-to-girl." 

Bottom 3 of Batman Returns

1. Crazy Catwoman- That whole stuffing plush toys down the disposal and randomly designing a skin-tight vinyl suit (all from apparently a single jacket, I might add); it just feels forced.  Oh, and when she says, "Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed," it sounds a lot like the kind of thing that girl in the corner at the back of the classroom who always wore the same unwashed Jack Skellington hoodie might have said.
2. "Eat Floor"- Throwing Catwoman to the ground, Batman says, "Eat floor- high in fiber."  Yeah...that's terrible.
3. Alfred- Michael Gough's Alfred always sucks, and he gets a lot worse in the Schumacher movies, but when Batman is watching the news, Alfred comes up and says, "Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class? "The Love Connection", perhaps?"  Shut up, Alfred!  It's the news!  And then he tries to manipulate Bruce into immediately rejecting the invitation to Shreck's masquerade ball, but when Bruce pauses and decides to go, Alfred is visibly upset!  Hey, Alfred!  You don't get a say in this!  You're the help, so shut up.