Halloween Horrors: HOCUS POCUS

HOCUS POCUS  (1993)
Directed by Kenny Ortega
Starring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, Omri Katz, Thora Birch, Vinessa Shaw, Sean Murray, Doug Jones
PG for some scary sequences, and for language.
SCAREmeter: 3.5/10
GOREmeter: 3.5/10
OVERALL: 2 out of 4 stars

HOCUS POCUS, a 1993 theatrical disappointment-turned cult classic, is a strange beast of a movie, both grotesquely in the spirit of the odious Disney Channel, and uncharacteristically for Disney, grotesquely grotesque.  It is a collision of sensibilities, with idiotic slapstick and mugging that younger children may possibly enjoy but assaults the intelligence of older audiences, mixed with surprisingly scary and morbid scenes and the kind of innuendos that prompt the older members of family audiences to guffaw in as much shock as anything else.
Unsurprisingly, HOCUS POCUS actually did originate as a Disney Channel movie, intended as a low-budget production, but it was picked up by Disney executives who agreed that with some star power, the film could work as a theatrical release.  The film maintained much of its Disney Channel cheese though, critics maligned it, and its inexplicable July release was given lukewarm reception.
Max Dennison (Omri Katz) is an L.A. teenager recently moved to Salem, Massachusetts, disdainful of Halloween and the spooky stories beloved by the town, including his crush, Allison (Vinessa Shaw), but while his parents go to a party on Halloween night, Max is left to escort his little sister, Dani (Thora Birch), on her trick-or-treating.  Along the way, they're joined by Allison, and the trio goes to the check out the supposedly haunted Sanderson cottage, a historic house where three accused witches, Winifred (Bette Midler), Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) and Mary (Kathy Najimy) are said to have performed their satanic spells before their hangings in 1693, and is now a closed-down museum.  Inside is the mystical black-flamed candle, of which it is said the Sanderson sisters will be resurrected when a virgin lights the candle on All Hallows' Eve.  Of course Max lights the candle, bringing the Sanderson sisters back, and their ravenous for the souls of children, which will grant them immortality, but they only have until dawn,when if they haven't gorged themselves on children's souls by then, they will return to Hell.  With the help of Thackery Binx (Sean Murray), a Puritan lad whose little sister was killed by the Sandersons before they cursed him with immortality in the form of a black cast, Max, Dani and Allison spend the remainder of their Halloween night working to return the Sandersons to the grave before they capture any children, while the Sandersons encounter the wonders of the 20th Century in their attempts to gain immortality before sunrise.
It's already a little troubling that the real-life town of Salem, Massachusetts, with its disturbing real-life history of "witches" hanged, is the setting for the film, but the Sanderson sisters are both dopey comedic buffoons at the same time as being Satan-worshiping monsters who devour the soul of a little girl in the first scene.  There's also a hanging, with dangling feet visible, a spell-book bound in human skin and an undead corpse (Doug Jones) with a stitched mouth and loose head, all in the same movie where Kathy Najimy, best known as the fat nun from SISTER ACT, barks like a dog when she smells children, people talk about the 'magic of Halloween' without a hint of irony and Bette Midler, playing a witch, has a musical number called I Put a Spell on You.  Groan.
Mostly, HOCUS POCUS is bogged down by its cringe-worthy Disney Channel slapstick, especially from Najimy, whose every scene is a dread, a fine example of a movie where a cast that is clearly having fun, simly is not infectious.  On the other hand, there is something here that might have been salvageable in the hands of a bolder studio and/or another director.  Kenny Ortega, the director, had previously directed Disney's NEWSIES, a 1992 family musical about newspaper boys on strike with some catchy tunes co-written by Disney stalwart Alan Menken but really bad acting and an idiotic script, and is now best known for directing the ultra-successful HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL movies for the Disney Channel.  Like the man, his film gravitate towards well-choreographed flamboyancy, and they have a specific audience that is most focused in the area of preteen girls, which has its worth, but it isn't worth much to those who aren't preteen girls or have similar sensibilities.  Clearly, Ortega is the majority of the Disney Channel influence in HOCUS POCUS, but there's wit trying to eke through the crushing idiocy (Garry Marshall as "Satan" is particularly funny in one scene), which may not make it good, but it is interesting.
Funnily enough, these live-action Disney movies of the 1990s that failed to find theatrical success have picked up cult followings, though of a different sort from the likes of THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW.  Here in Utah, I think of them as "Utah classics," the sort that the primarily Mormon population of Central Utah adore on an irritating level, quoting the same lines with frightening veracity and recommending them to whomever crosses their paths with the same enthusiasm with which they advertise their faith.  HOCUS POCUS is one of those "Utah classics," other it certainly has its fan bases outside of Utah as well, I know.  It's not that it was under appreciated when it came out; it simply is a composition of mismatched elements that can't appeal to a mainstream audience, but works in other areas where it connects with its fans.  Just don't feel too bad when it isn't remotely as good, or even good at all, as your friends told you it was.

Ugh, they're the worst.